When we acquire a new dog, whether it’s a rescued mixed-breed beauty, or a carefully chosen pure-bred pup, we humans have the tendency to compare our dogs to those we’ve had in the past. And the more similar they look, the more likely it is that we uphold our expectations of similar behaviors.
As humans, visual cues are what drive us, so when we lose a dog we adore, we are drawn to dogs that look similar. In case my readers haven’t noticed, Don and I are drawn to collies and goldens…and since Vera, German shepherds. But not just any German shepherd–German shepherds with a straight (not sloped) back and a fine, plush coat. And were we to find and have the stamina to adopt such a dog, we would want her to be just like V–except, of course, without the anxiety and aggression. My collies have to be long coated (in spite of the grooming issue) and sable. And the goldens…broad-headed, pale gold, and heavy-boned as Lola was, OR light weight, airborne, and burnished red as was Sascha.
Once, an older gentleman at the shelter where I volunteer asked me if we had any black dogs with one pale blue eye and a white tip on his tail. He wanted a dog just like his last one–he had been the best dog the man had ever known and he wanted one just like him. It’s hard to remember that although dogs of the same breed share certain traits, just because a dog looks like a dog we’ve known in the past, the new dog will most likely be very different in temperament. Even clones have different personalities and temperaments from each other. The gentleman looking for the black dog would have been much better off looking for a dog with a temperament like his last dog, not one with the same unique physical features.
But visual cues are powerful to us. Don and I ache for a shepherd even though we know the risk of reactivity. Shepherds are strong, cautious, intelligent, high-energy dogs prone to anxiety–more than we want to deal with at this point in our lives.
We adopted Annie based on her delightful temperament, her amazing ability to learn and apply concepts (being a trainer I love to work with my dogs just for fun), and her outgoing, social temperament (oh, and by the way, she’s a rough collie). It is only by sheer willpower and remembering Vera’s difficulties that we are not looking for a German-shepherd mix to rescue.
Tips to help you accept a new dog for who he is:
- Remind yourself that your new dog will likely be quite different from your last dog, no matter how similar they appear. He is his own person, and even though he may look very much like your last dog, he must be treated as an individual.
- Do not expect certain behaviors to define your dog. It is easy to resent a new dog because he doesn’t have the right traits. e.g. a lab who doesn’t like to swim, a golden RETRIEVER who doesn’t like to retrieve. e.g. Our first golden, Sascha, wouldn’t be caught dead without a ball in her mouth. Our second golden, Lola, didn’t like to retrieve at all. Go figure! It drove me crazy at first. Poor Lola!
- If you haven’t chosen your next dog yet, remember to look for traits that you like in your dog. For instance, Tessie, our last collie, was more like a golden retriever, than our golden, Lola, in some ways. Tessie loved to swim and retrieve whereas Lola was completely indifferent to those sports.
- Don’t automatically expect the same types of behaviors and trust from your second dog. E.g. Sascha, our first golden, could be trusted to carry her own leash in a responsible manner no matter where we were (we didn’t allow her to carry it on busy streets, but I’m sure she would have been fine). We weren’t great trainers. It was just who Sascha was. In spite of being a good trainer now, after thirty years of experience, I have never had another dog who I could trust in this way. I have seen people expect their new dog to walk off leash in busy areas because their last dog could do it. But attempting this without months or maybe even years of training specific skills on a daily basis, most dogs will never have the attention, discipline, or skills to do this safely. The fallout can be lethal for the dog and traumatic for passing drivers.
- Allow your second dog to be themselves–to play their own games, find their own favorite places, and seek their own level of socialization. Every dog is an individual.